It is not secret that I am ultra sensitive to medications. I have said so on many occasions and have told every health care professional I have ever seen. Since learning about my mental disorder I have worked very hard to learn as much as I possibly can about the symptoms, the effects the disorder has had not only on my life but my family's lives as well. I have gone to school to get my certifications in Hypnotherapy, Human Services, Political Advocate, Mentor and Presentator and I have my sights set on becoming a certified group facilitator as well.
All these accomplishments have only meant (to me that is) that I am doing what I can to achieve the maximum functionalbility that I can to maintain a healthy life. When I am helping others live and function with their disability then I feel like I'm doing real service. I can see in their eyes the enjoyment they have gotten from their lives just in the way they carry themselves and how they have managed to learn a different way of going about taking care of themselves.
So why can't I see it for myself when I'm doing the same things?
I guess the best answer for that is I just see myself as living! It doesn't feel like a great acomplishment when I'm taking care of me. I struggle daily with just believing that I'm worth the effort! I love the fact that I can and do work with others and we find ways of teaching each other the values of everyday living and how it impacts the way we do and see things.
Today I saw a specialist to help me get back on track. I gave him my list of medications that I've tried and the many side effects that my body wouldn't tolerate as a result. He looked at me with a big smile on his face and said "You've definately given us a difficult challenge in taking care of you young lady." Then he asked me did I bother to take notice of all my accomplishments that I've made in educating myself and out living the stigma that I had placed on myself. I looked at him totally confused as I told him I was just trying to make life functional for myself. Then he said, "You are my collegue!" I was totally flabbergasted! A doctor that called me his equal! He said he is a community psychatrist and understands what case management was all about and knows that this is the line of work I have educated myself in and feels as though I am a good candidate for it.
So I guess we both have a unique challenge... His is to find a way to create a method for my madness and mine is to find a way to not allow my madness to run my life so that I can find out what makes me happy and able to function.
All these accomplishments have only meant (to me that is) that I am doing what I can to achieve the maximum functionalbility that I can to maintain a healthy life. When I am helping others live and function with their disability then I feel like I'm doing real service. I can see in their eyes the enjoyment they have gotten from their lives just in the way they carry themselves and how they have managed to learn a different way of going about taking care of themselves.
So why can't I see it for myself when I'm doing the same things?
I guess the best answer for that is I just see myself as living! It doesn't feel like a great acomplishment when I'm taking care of me. I struggle daily with just believing that I'm worth the effort! I love the fact that I can and do work with others and we find ways of teaching each other the values of everyday living and how it impacts the way we do and see things.
Today I saw a specialist to help me get back on track. I gave him my list of medications that I've tried and the many side effects that my body wouldn't tolerate as a result. He looked at me with a big smile on his face and said "You've definately given us a difficult challenge in taking care of you young lady." Then he asked me did I bother to take notice of all my accomplishments that I've made in educating myself and out living the stigma that I had placed on myself. I looked at him totally confused as I told him I was just trying to make life functional for myself. Then he said, "You are my collegue!" I was totally flabbergasted! A doctor that called me his equal! He said he is a community psychatrist and understands what case management was all about and knows that this is the line of work I have educated myself in and feels as though I am a good candidate for it.
So I guess we both have a unique challenge... His is to find a way to create a method for my madness and mine is to find a way to not allow my madness to run my life so that I can find out what makes me happy and able to function.
