It is not secret that I am ultra sensitive to medications. I have said so on many occasions and have told every health care professional I have ever seen. Since learning about my mental disorder I have worked very hard to learn as much as I possibly can about the symptoms, the effects the disorder has had not only on my life but my family's lives as well. I have gone to school to get my certifications in Hypnotherapy, Human Services, Political Advocate, Mentor and Presentator and I have my sights set on becoming a certified group facilitator as well.
All these accomplishments have only meant (to me that is) that I am doing what I can to achieve the maximum functionalbility that I can to maintain a healthy life. When I am helping others live and function with their disability then I feel like I'm doing real service. I can see in their eyes the enjoyment they have gotten from their lives just in the way they carry themselves and how they have managed to learn a different way of going about taking care of themselves.
So why can't I see it for myself when I'm doing the same things?
I guess the best answer for that is I just see myself as living! It doesn't feel like a great acomplishment when I'm taking care of me. I struggle daily with just believing that I'm worth the effort! I love the fact that I can and do work with others and we find ways of teaching each other the values of everyday living and how it impacts the way we do and see things.
Today I saw a specialist to help me get back on track. I gave him my list of medications that I've tried and the many side effects that my body wouldn't tolerate as a result. He looked at me with a big smile on his face and said "You've definately given us a difficult challenge in taking care of you young lady." Then he asked me did I bother to take notice of all my accomplishments that I've made in educating myself and out living the stigma that I had placed on myself. I looked at him totally confused as I told him I was just trying to make life functional for myself. Then he said, "You are my collegue!" I was totally flabbergasted! A doctor that called me his equal! He said he is a community psychatrist and understands what case management was all about and knows that this is the line of work I have educated myself in and feels as though I am a good candidate for it.
So I guess we both have a unique challenge... His is to find a way to create a method for my madness and mine is to find a way to not allow my madness to run my life so that I can find out what makes me happy and able to function.
All these accomplishments have only meant (to me that is) that I am doing what I can to achieve the maximum functionalbility that I can to maintain a healthy life. When I am helping others live and function with their disability then I feel like I'm doing real service. I can see in their eyes the enjoyment they have gotten from their lives just in the way they carry themselves and how they have managed to learn a different way of going about taking care of themselves.
So why can't I see it for myself when I'm doing the same things?
I guess the best answer for that is I just see myself as living! It doesn't feel like a great acomplishment when I'm taking care of me. I struggle daily with just believing that I'm worth the effort! I love the fact that I can and do work with others and we find ways of teaching each other the values of everyday living and how it impacts the way we do and see things.
Today I saw a specialist to help me get back on track. I gave him my list of medications that I've tried and the many side effects that my body wouldn't tolerate as a result. He looked at me with a big smile on his face and said "You've definately given us a difficult challenge in taking care of you young lady." Then he asked me did I bother to take notice of all my accomplishments that I've made in educating myself and out living the stigma that I had placed on myself. I looked at him totally confused as I told him I was just trying to make life functional for myself. Then he said, "You are my collegue!" I was totally flabbergasted! A doctor that called me his equal! He said he is a community psychatrist and understands what case management was all about and knows that this is the line of work I have educated myself in and feels as though I am a good candidate for it.
So I guess we both have a unique challenge... His is to find a way to create a method for my madness and mine is to find a way to not allow my madness to run my life so that I can find out what makes me happy and able to function.
7 comments:
Drea, I believe that it's a daily undertaking...to discover the path to make it to the next day...and then the next. Know that you are not alone! Wishing you love and light...
Thanx so much for your imput. You are a great friend and your book has encouraged me in seeking out my own self image and appreciating me.
In many ways, Drea, you are a woman who has taken a disability and turned it into a positive force for good. You should be so proud of what you've accomplished. It can't be easy, but look at what you've managed in your life, girl!!! Congratulations.
That means a lot to me coming from you Kate. Thanx so much for your vote of confidence.
My special girl you are a joy, a pain, a wonderful gift, a battleaxe like your mother. You're stubborn, set in a lot of your ways, you are a hustler, a great communicator, my drama queen, a person I want to be around most of the time even when you are the energizer bunny ;> D and one of my precious babies that I love beyond words and emotions even when I'm bitching at you. You have accomplished so much with so much adversity and you have the capacity to do more, to be more, and to have more. Your family loves you, supports you, and misses you so much. Glad to see one of those doctors that can recognize a diamond in the shape of my baby. Happiness is there. You just haven't recognized that window of opportunity but all things come in time so I am confident that you will find it and know what it is. Boggy on raggey woman. I got yo back. Mom
drea,
you and i have had many conversations on this subject and i always share with you that the only thing we really have is our experience; the rest is just conjecture, so as you gain experience in learning how to care for yourself, you are doing the best service for others
you are a living example of perseverance and passion for life; by seeing you overcome, i know i can overcome.
luv ya,
monica.
Mom, you are my biggest supporter and my biggest but kicker at the same time. I have learned so much from you and in watching you rise above I have become a stronger woman. Thank you for loving me and putting up with me even when I'm unputable! (How's that for a word?! LOL)
Monica, you and I have sat in your office and laughed, cried and given each other the biggest push in our emotional confidence. I appreciate you more than you know. You have taken this little girl from California and turned her into a force of knowledge and support not only for herself but for others as well. You have helped me take charge and take my POWER back! Thank you for being my strong supporter and one of the best friends a girl could have.
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