Birthday's have always been special to me. I treat them like personal holidays because they are an anniversary of the day that God permitted you to be a human being on earth and no longer an Angel. I have always thought that on your birthday that it should be your special day and you should be able to do or have whatever your heart desires. Of course this isn't always possible but whenever possible everyone should try to achieve this goal.
When my children were small I used to treat them like royalty for their birthdays. They had the option of picking whatever they wanted for breakfast/lunch/dinner, they didn't have to do chores, I waited on them hand and foot and they didn't have to go to school if they chose not to go. It was their special day and a time to celebrate in all ways possible to celebrate.
I can't remember ever really wanting anything special for my birthdays except to not have to work! I have been blessed to have never have worked or gone to school on my birthday. Being a summer baby the no school thing was quite easy but as I got older the going to work thing became quite a challenge at times. I even lost a job for requesting my birthday off a month in advance! For some reason this birthday was different. This birthday was sad and no matter what I did to try to make myself feel better I'm still miserably SAD! Haven't been able to quite put my finger on the reason why. Maybe my menopause (Mental Pause) has gotten the best of me. I just want to crawl in a corner and ball my eyes out. I'm getting tired of people getting angry with me for doing things but not being there when I want to do things with them. Or worse, making plans to do things with me then forgetting or ignoring me. If you don't want to be around me then don't take the time to get my hopes up to be around you then disappear or pretend that you didn't make the plan in the first place! That's quite agrivating.
I did some pretty stupid things over the last few days that I'll probably later regret. I know I allowed my mania to get the best of me and I have to pay the piper at some point in time. But now, all I can think about is how sad I feel. How alone I feel. It'll get better eventually so in the mean time and in between time I have to put on my simi happy face mask so that not everyone can see what's really going on. In closing I'll share my Niagra Falls in the dark picture. Happy Birthday to me!
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