Choices

I made a choice a long time ago that California wasn't the place for me. I guess I have always known this from the time that my mother moved us there back in 1972 from Chicago. The running joke was that she moved us from the projects of Chicago to the projects of Compton!

People ask me all the time what made California so bad that I had to "escape". For as long as I can remember about California I have never fit in. Even as a child the other children hounded me about my midwestern roots and told me to go home. I would often get into fights about one thing or another stemming from having long hair, to being bright skinned to being from a different state. I never was able to keep any friends due to being an outsider.

As I grew older and had to go out into the world to work and take care of my boys I learned that the working world is no different than the children I had to encounter. I could never really find my niche and be able to keep a job for longer than 6 months. Granted, I had big goals for the life I wanted to lead. I've wanted to do everything from being a seamstress to being an airline stewardess. Most of my goals I have accomplished even for a short period of time. I have worn many hats in the working world. As a child I used to crochet and sell my creations door to door to make a little money for myself. I've owned a lingerie business, I've worked at McDonalds, Chuck E. Cheese, Sears, Taco Bell, Sizzlers, Red Lobster, Tony Romas.... believe you me the list goes on and on. I've been answering the phone professionally since I was 10 yrs old! They've always told me I have that "proper white girl" voice. Even today people are afraid to talk with me when I call because they automatically think that I am a bill collector. But I'm getting off the subject of this blog.

The subject is CHOICES..... CALIFORNIA or MARYLAND (or anywhere for that matter!)

When we moved to Bakersfield, California I discovered what small town living was like. Having grown up in Compton/LA I was used to big city living. The first time I laid eyes on Bakersfield most of the streets didn't have sidewalks and I wondered what my mother had gotten us into! She was a prison guard at Tehachapi (don't feel bad at first I couldn't pronounce it either!) and Bakersfield is a neighboring town. Because my family has been in and out for over 20 years they've become very well known. My brother made a name for himself as a musician/singer/songwriter/producer (do I need to add anymore, I think you get the gist of it) and of course all the girls love a man who can sing them out of their panties and is cute too! Then on the other side of the spectrum is mom who was the LAW. Needless to say that with this being a small town you can just imagine how life was for me. As we've gotten older the town still remembers my brother (the infamous Sparkle) and of course they still worship the ground he walks on! It's sickening at times. There are some people who even still recognize my mom from the times that she has locked them up. So what does that say for me having a social life? IT MEANS I CAN FORGET IT! Hence the feeling of being closed in and under the thumb. I can't tell you how many people have come to me asking how to get in touch with my brother or if my mom is still locking people up! Got so bad I wouldn't leave the house.

So, when the children grew up and left home so did I! I put a map on the wall and threw a dart and ended up as far away as I could get from California and my family....BALTIMORE, MARYLAND. What a move and a coulture shock for me when I first arrived here. What's sad is that I almost went through the same thing I did as a child in California... People kept asking me "Why did you come here?" "Go home!" "You left all that sunshine to come HERE!" "Are you on drugs?!" "You're running from the law!" and of course my personal favorite "Does it really not rain in Southern California?" All I could do was shake my head. Most of the people here are so rude you have to learn how to cuss people out just to fit in. I had to leave Ms. Nice Lady at home because people don't know how to deal with you when you're kind. Now that I've learned how to blend in and explore my surroundings the one thing that I said I would cross that bridge when I get there keeps popping up. Now I don't know if it's my mania that's making my thoughts go into overdrive or if it's listening to my mom pursuing me to come home.

So here we go CHOICES:

PROS of going back to Cali (LL eat your heart out!)

I get to see my family more often
It's warmer!
It doesn't rain as much (notice I didn't say it didn't rain at all!)
The mountains are visible
I can start driving again
Go to the beach (it's closer)

CONS of going to Cali

Smothered by family
No privacy
Too hot (dry heat, fire season)
Job possibilities are slim to none (& let's not forget the govenor is the Terminator!)
Extreme unhappiness

PROS of being in Maryland

Comfortability
Job Prosperity
Opportunity for exploration
Anonymity
Clean Air
Freedom
Peace of Mind
Diversity of Culture

CONS of being in Maryland

It's sooooooooooo COLD!
RATS!
Rude People
Too many trees!
Beach is too far
Over taxation
Streets are too narrow to drive on
Too much drug traffic


So in looking at my list of why's and why nots I ponder on a daily basis if I should cave in to my family's wishes to have me move closer to them. I hear mama say that she wants me to be happy in one breath and in the other she wants me closer. DECISIONS.....DECISIONS.

Sux! For right now I'm gonna keep pursuing my goals of education so that I can implement other goals into action. So Maryland is my choice and for now I'm sticking with it while I keep my options open.